This is an oldy, but goody from The Impatient Blogger Archives:
"Becoming Light
August 31, 2006
Sometimes families get broken. It’s usually due to a series of unfortunate events. It’s usually the continuum of many generations of brokenness. I believe that the only cure is forgiveness. Forgiveness is the key to our happiness and future joy. Forgiveness is the only glue that can put Humpty Dumpty together again. We all do our best. We all make mistakes. We are all of us, human. We choose, once we grow up, to either be lifelong victims of the pain we suffered as children or we choose to face this pain and rise victorious like a Phoenix from the ashes of our brokenness. It takes a moment to forgive someone, a moment, this is the truth. It’s a matter of letting it go...this lead weight of hurt...this bubbling fountain of sadness...if we can let the light in through the darkness of our pain...then we can find true joy. It doesn’t matter what someone else does to you, it matters how you choose to react to it. Forgiveness is not, please hear this, forgiveness is not a validation or an excusing of someone else’s actions, it is releasing your attachment to them. You don’t even need to tell the other person you are doing it, you just need to do it. Wounded people move from their wounds, they are angry, hurt, afraid...they don’t know how to trust...they lash out because they know no other way of being. It is nothing personal, it is fear.
If you want to heal yourself, you have to see those actions for what they are and realize that they ultimately have nothing whatsoever to do with you. Once you become an adult, and barring any chaotic events such as rape or crime, no one can hurt you without your permission. What I mean when I say that is this; we choose for the most part to be hurt by the actions of others. If they are acting out of their own fears and sorrows, these actions are not real. They are manifestations of the darkness inside of them, the darkness that has moved into them as a result of the pain they have encountered. We can either allow these actions and this darkness to cause us pain, or we can alter them with our love. Every moment of our lives we make these choices...it is the journey of the human soul. If we have done something either consciously or unconsciously to someone else that has caused them pain, and we are strong enough to face that fact, we must truly forgive ourselves and then we must offer our sincere apologies to that person. It matters not if they accept them, it matters that we offer them. We cannot alter the past, but we can live in the present. It is crucial that we not cloak these apologies in excuses or guilt, we are all human, we all do the best we can. It only matters that we offer them and then be willing to hear without judgment the feelings of the other person. This is the hardest thing we will ever have to do. We absolutely have to forgive ourselves enough to be able to hear the other person and not filter it through our own pain. We have to do it every day. This is unconditional love. It is the only real love. All other love is an expression of our ego...unconditional love is an expression of our higher soul. The most horrific things that happen to us are opportunities for us to practice forgiveness and unconditional love.
So, here’s the bottom line boys and girls: You are at every moment free to forgive and to find unconditional love. You have to start by facing your own darkness and forgiving yourself. Until you love yourself unconditionally you will be entirely incapable of loving anyone else unconditionally.
I come from a broken family. I have spent years working through this brokenness in myself. I have found my peace. I have forgiven myself and the other people involved and I have come to understand what happened. I stopped blaming, I stopped being a victim and I stopped holding the darkness inside. The day I finally let the last dark smudge leave...I was free. It’s a process. If I can do it, so can you. The only truth is love."
xoxo,
Madge
